I just had to post one more time before leaving for San Francisco tomorrow. I am as giddy as a school before before his first day of school. I know, its going to go by so fast, that I will be asking where did it all go. But, I can look forward to it just as well.
What to really say right now, slips my mind. I just want to say that those that are going to camp I will see you there really soon
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Camp Red Tails!
I keep referring to camp red tails. Geez, I can't wait. I leave in only a few more short days. I'm actually flying into San Francisco, 2 days before camp starts. I wanted a full vacation away from my everyday life and decided to take it. I'm going to be going and being a tourist, staying in the Castro District. I found a place to stay with a guy that says his is a leatherman, has his own dungeon, pretty cool and its a lot cheaper than most of the hotels in the area.
On Thursday morning around 10, I'll be riding with a friend of mine that I feel that I've gotten close to over the past few weeks as we have talked, shared feeling and been 2 complete brats who have been bratting Doms. Not real smart on our part but ya know, you only live once and I guess this is my time to do it. Will I be blistered, have my ass tore up. God Yes, and I'm so looking forward to it as well. The drive up should be fun and interesting, we are stopping at a few different places, walmart, out to eat, etc.
Once we actually pull on to camp property let the fun begin, I've already decided on the outfit that I'm wearing to camp, I may get some strange looks from people on the way to camp, but I really don't care. I'm really expecting the whole experience to be fun and for some reason I think that I'll be stripped searched at registration. So many questions?
I know this has been a fun post, but on a more serious side, I finally get friends that I've been talking to online for awhile now. I get to put faces with their names. Hopefully, I will get the chance to have some time with the very few people that I use the term Sir with. One comes to mind more than the rest, but I'm not going to push my dreams too far and get my hopes up.
I'm going to leave this post with the words that I use in all of them!
Only time can tell!
On Thursday morning around 10, I'll be riding with a friend of mine that I feel that I've gotten close to over the past few weeks as we have talked, shared feeling and been 2 complete brats who have been bratting Doms. Not real smart on our part but ya know, you only live once and I guess this is my time to do it. Will I be blistered, have my ass tore up. God Yes, and I'm so looking forward to it as well. The drive up should be fun and interesting, we are stopping at a few different places, walmart, out to eat, etc.
Once we actually pull on to camp property let the fun begin, I've already decided on the outfit that I'm wearing to camp, I may get some strange looks from people on the way to camp, but I really don't care. I'm really expecting the whole experience to be fun and for some reason I think that I'll be stripped searched at registration. So many questions?
I know this has been a fun post, but on a more serious side, I finally get friends that I've been talking to online for awhile now. I get to put faces with their names. Hopefully, I will get the chance to have some time with the very few people that I use the term Sir with. One comes to mind more than the rest, but I'm not going to push my dreams too far and get my hopes up.
I'm going to leave this post with the words that I use in all of them!
Only time can tell!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Questions? Camp?
After making some bad choices last night did I completely destroyed anything that I could of had? Did I go about it completely wrong? I know that the one that I was hoping would someday be my Sir was upset, that it was my fault what happened between him and his boy and what got him in trouble as well. Why didn't I fall down to my knees and beg him for forgiveness, seems that someone in my situation would of done this. Someone that I respect greater than I have ever respected in the past, from reading his blogs, to talking to him on a really personal level day to day, getting upset with myself and shedding tears when I do or say something stupid to make him upset with me? I was hoping to petition him to be one of his boys, but I may have completely destroyed that.
I was so looking forward to spending time with him in the next week, getting to know him on a really personal level and letting him do the same with me. I so badly wanted to get to know his boy, his Sir and his friends. But, have I ruined it all with my actions, my emotions. Will he still want to be around me, will he still use his strap, his paddle, his hands the way that he has promised in the past before last night?
I've been so looking forward to Camp Red Tails and my trip to San Francisco. Now I'm not so sure! Do I want to go to meet everyone, to put a name with a face, Yes I want to go for this reason. Do I want to go to be spanked, Yes. But, in all the fun, will I be able to look the man in the face that I feel I've disappointed on such a level, that he may or may not speak to me. Is he as disappointed in me as I am in myself? or maybe I just hold myself to a certain level. I know that I'm not his but I sure have dreamed about it, ever since I talked to him for the first time.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, maybe I'm just upset with myself, but Only time can tell!
I was so looking forward to spending time with him in the next week, getting to know him on a really personal level and letting him do the same with me. I so badly wanted to get to know his boy, his Sir and his friends. But, have I ruined it all with my actions, my emotions. Will he still want to be around me, will he still use his strap, his paddle, his hands the way that he has promised in the past before last night?
I've been so looking forward to Camp Red Tails and my trip to San Francisco. Now I'm not so sure! Do I want to go to meet everyone, to put a name with a face, Yes I want to go for this reason. Do I want to go to be spanked, Yes. But, in all the fun, will I be able to look the man in the face that I feel I've disappointed on such a level, that he may or may not speak to me. Is he as disappointed in me as I am in myself? or maybe I just hold myself to a certain level. I know that I'm not his but I sure have dreamed about it, ever since I talked to him for the first time.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, maybe I'm just upset with myself, but Only time can tell!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Upset?
This is my blog and I'm going to use it, just to complain for a moment. It seems that I've caused quite a rift between 2 people and I'm rather tore up about it. I'm sorry that it happened, I'm sorry that I opened my big fat mouth about it. Especially since the one that I think I hurt the most is the one that I hope someday to call Sir, I already say Sir to him but I can imagine it meaning so much more.
I got to the point tonight, that I just couldn't hold it in anymore, I keep putting it into words, keep hiding behind my words. So, I know I didn't say it to his face, or even to his chat box, but instead once he logged off with me considering that he is upset with me. I completely came out and told him how I feel. On 2nd chance now wish I would of waited for camp to get to know him better, but seems that I learn more and more about him every time that we talk.
I guess my biggest question to ask is "Is the ready for another boy?" After all this am I possibly one that he is looking for? Should I petition him? I have so many questions, that I want answer for,. But, hopefully time will soon tell!
I got to the point tonight, that I just couldn't hold it in anymore, I keep putting it into words, keep hiding behind my words. So, I know I didn't say it to his face, or even to his chat box, but instead once he logged off with me considering that he is upset with me. I completely came out and told him how I feel. On 2nd chance now wish I would of waited for camp to get to know him better, but seems that I learn more and more about him every time that we talk.
I guess my biggest question to ask is "Is the ready for another boy?" After all this am I possibly one that he is looking for? Should I petition him? I have so many questions, that I want answer for,. But, hopefully time will soon tell!
For joey!
My friend joey posted his in his blog, he said send it by e-mail but I thought it would be more fun to post it on here. So here it goes!
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My weight
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My sister, she lives on an Island in the Carribean
18. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?Brown
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? a burrito
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Pizza
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Hackers
37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO? Strength training bring on the weight
38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION? Computer
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I really don't read a lot
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? a picture from white bay in Jost Van Dyke, BVI
42. FAVORITE SOUND? Cane swishing through the air
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? The Beatles
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? France
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? my hitchhikers thumbs
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Winterpark, Florida
47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW? Sedona
48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE? Greyish blue
49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR? Silver
50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS? nah, not really
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes, My fathers first name is the same as mine, we have the same initials but a different middle name
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? This afternoon
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? This afternoon
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, I have never really like my handwriting
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Pastrami
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Pastrami
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nope and don't see any in the future
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I think I would, I'm a caring loving guy
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? depends on the people and the situation
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yep sure do
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, but does rappelling count?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Life
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
The only shoes I own that have laces are my boots, so I do them!
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically Yes; Emotionally not so sure
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Pistachio
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? how they carry themselves
15. RED OR PINK? Pink
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I think I would, I'm a caring loving guy
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? depends on the people and the situation
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yep sure do
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, but does rappelling count?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Life
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
The only shoes I own that have laces are my boots, so I do them!
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically Yes; Emotionally not so sure
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Pistachio
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? how they carry themselves
15. RED OR PINK? Pink
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My weight
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My sister, she lives on an Island in the Carribean
18. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?Brown
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? a burrito
20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of the wall AC unit
21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Green
22. FAVORITE SMELLS? Men, Sweat, fresh air in the morning, the grass after its just rained
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Father
25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE? Beach house, love the water
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Wrestling, Football, baseball
22. FAVORITE SMELLS? Men, Sweat, fresh air in the morning, the grass after its just rained
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Father
25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE? Beach house, love the water
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Wrestling, Football, baseball
27. HAIR COLOR? Dark Brown
28. EYE COLOR? Blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope, can't get them to stay in my eyes
28. EYE COLOR? Blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope, can't get them to stay in my eyes
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Pizza
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Hackers
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black with gray stripes
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter, love the cold
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Love the smell of being wrapped up in a man's arms
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? It may sound strange, but I love warm Chocolate Chip Cookies
37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO? Strength training bring on the weight
38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION? Computer
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I really don't read a lot
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? a picture from white bay in Jost Van Dyke, BVI
42. FAVORITE SOUND? Cane swishing through the air
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? The Beatles
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? France
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? my hitchhikers thumbs
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Winterpark, Florida
47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW? Sedona
48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE? Greyish blue
49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR? Silver
50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS? nah, not really
Not too sure?
I've been discussing for quite sometime with my friends and fellow bloggers what my next topic should be and I've gotten lots of great suggestions, should I write about my anticipation for camp that is coming up??? should I write about some not so positive experiences that I've had in the past???
I would love to write about either of these, but maybe I'm just getting impatient, but to hear my friends talk about their Sirs, their Masters, their Dominants is making me rather sad. I know that the journey to finding the right one is a long one and many are never successful. But those that are seem to me to be happy, joyful and are really looking forward to continuing their journey. Some would say that is just part of life. Its a journey. I know these things!
Some would say your just starting to be truthful with yourself on who you really are, so how can you say you have been looking for years, lots of years, for your Sir! This is true, I had to fully be honest with myself that I'm a gay man, I tried for many years the whole straight thing, I think it was more about making my parents happy than it was making me happy. No, I still haven't come out to my parents, but I already blogged on that subject.
Am I being too whiny about this? Am I being too desperate about this? The questions just go on and on in my head, it drives me to tears sometimes just thinking about this? Is there someone out there, A Dominant for myself? someone that cares to know me? that would care about me? Get to know me inside and out? Every day I look at myself in the mirror, am I too big, am I too heavy to be loved? There are so many Tops/Doms/Dads/Sirs/Masters out there that constantly look over the ones that are too old, too heavy, not experienced enough for someone a lot smaller, skinner, younger.
This has been one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes down to this lifestyle, more than once I've stepped back and said is this where I want to go, is this the road that I really want to take??? And more than once, I have always said Yes, this is exactly what I want! Yes, I want someone that is willing to accept me for who I am, what I am, someone that is willing to be my Sir.
As I've said in almost everyone of my blog post: Only time can tell, what, when and who!
I would love to write about either of these, but maybe I'm just getting impatient, but to hear my friends talk about their Sirs, their Masters, their Dominants is making me rather sad. I know that the journey to finding the right one is a long one and many are never successful. But those that are seem to me to be happy, joyful and are really looking forward to continuing their journey. Some would say that is just part of life. Its a journey. I know these things!
Some would say your just starting to be truthful with yourself on who you really are, so how can you say you have been looking for years, lots of years, for your Sir! This is true, I had to fully be honest with myself that I'm a gay man, I tried for many years the whole straight thing, I think it was more about making my parents happy than it was making me happy. No, I still haven't come out to my parents, but I already blogged on that subject.
Am I being too whiny about this? Am I being too desperate about this? The questions just go on and on in my head, it drives me to tears sometimes just thinking about this? Is there someone out there, A Dominant for myself? someone that cares to know me? that would care about me? Get to know me inside and out? Every day I look at myself in the mirror, am I too big, am I too heavy to be loved? There are so many Tops/Doms/Dads/Sirs/Masters out there that constantly look over the ones that are too old, too heavy, not experienced enough for someone a lot smaller, skinner, younger.
This has been one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes down to this lifestyle, more than once I've stepped back and said is this where I want to go, is this the road that I really want to take??? And more than once, I have always said Yes, this is exactly what I want! Yes, I want someone that is willing to accept me for who I am, what I am, someone that is willing to be my Sir.
As I've said in almost everyone of my blog post: Only time can tell, what, when and who!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
A Real man?
I was having a discussion with some friends of mine and one of them who tends to joke a lot said to me well how about your take Andrew and Josh with you to camp, well, my response was that they weren't man enough to go. All that I heard was silence and then one of them spoke up and said What do you mean they aren't man enough?
I don't think everyone will agree with me but in my opinion it takes a real man to trust another like those involved in the BDSM lifestyle. It takes a real man to submit to another man, for to be spanked, slapped, whipped, etc and not want to turn around and pummel the guy just because he has done so. For those that are into the lifestyle and are bottoms we are butting our trust and our lives in another man's hands. Is it possible to hurt someone physically and emotionally, sure it is, but that is part of the risk that we take.
I don't think everyone will agree with me but in my opinion it takes a real man to trust another like those involved in the BDSM lifestyle. It takes a real man to submit to another man, for to be spanked, slapped, whipped, etc and not want to turn around and pummel the guy just because he has done so. For those that are into the lifestyle and are bottoms we are butting our trust and our lives in another man's hands. Is it possible to hurt someone physically and emotionally, sure it is, but that is part of the risk that we take.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)