I've been really thinking about this one since my last blog entry, well actually before my last entry. Should I continue to write entries even though nothing is really going on in my life, I have very few friends and even the ones that I made at camp have stopped writing. Now I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, its partially my own fault but its also others fault as well.
I live in a part of the country which has no scene, I work in an industry that fall is the busiest time of the year. So I really can't get to many events, get togethers, that is why I want to move so badly, but it just doesn't seem that things are falling in place to make that possible
And since coming back from camp I've made some pretty stupid decisions when it comes down to a certain Dom that I was sure was the one for me,so I'm not too surprised that he has stopped talking to me. I begged for forgiveness and was told it was water under the bridge. But, I guess it was more like a Dam, it stopped all the water and now I'm feeling very alone. Not only will the one I wanted to call Sir not say a single word to me but I have only heard from his boy once in the last month when we used to talk all the time. I can understand him being busy with school and trying to study, but I sure miss him, miss his words and miss seeing his name online. I see Sirs name on quite often, but even when I say hi, I try to make the effort, I never get a response, am I on his ignore list? or does he see me saying hi and just choose to ignore me? I guess it really doesn't matter.
I've tried to move on, I've tried to message other Doms that I've read their profiles online, but it seems that the few that I've heard back from are so far away and I really don't want to move back east. I want to find something out here in the west where I live, would love to find someone here in Arizona but if I had to move to California then I would, but right now I really don't have a good reason to move. Plus, there are lots of game players out there that aren't real, I've met a few that I thought may work out, we talk a few times on messenger, a few times on the phone, I allow them to read my blog to learn more about me and after that it seems that it scares them away, seems that I won't find that one Dom for me, the one that will want to know me, know me physically, sexually, mentally.
So, until I can think of a good reason to write, I think I will stop for awhile. I want to attend some events in the future such as IML, Camp Next year, and Folsom and hopefully some of the parties, but then again, it seems that the only bottom/sub that Doms want are the younger skinner guys, so whats the point in me continuing to try?
Take care everyone, see you later!
Tigger
