Thoughts about Camp Red Tails!

 I remember going to camp as a child and couldn't wait for that time to come that I could go, year after year. Getting to see old friends and make new ones. All the fun things to do, go canoeing, playing with a bb-gun (mom and dad wouldn't let me have one), doing arts and crafts, swimming, and all the fun things that came with camp.

Now an all new exciting camp is waiting for me, I've been giddy and excited like when I was a child getting ready for camp. Ever since I committed myself to going, paying the money in payments, buying my airfare, deciding where to stay for the few days before camp, all the new things that  I've bought for my trip, new duffel bag, a new t-shirt,Drop seat Pjs, a new game system to travel with so that I have games, movies, music to keep my mind occupied, just in case there happens to be a long delay thanks to fog to get into San Fran. I also bought a new Tigger that will be coming with me (I know, I've been told that Tigger isn't going to be able to save me from a sore ass). If you can't tell I'm a huge fan of Tigger and will be bringing lots of Tigger related items.

But, why am I so excited about Camp Red Tails???? Why am I excited about pulling down my pants and having my ass blistered by another man, submit to his power and his authority. I guess its just who I am, I tend to think of myself as being submissive!

Will I finally have the chance to find a Sir/Dom/Master that is right for me? Or am I excited because I get to meet so many of the people that I've read about in blogs, on websites or in chat, finally having the chance to put a name with a face. Having the chance to do somethings that are Summer Campish? (Its my blog I can make up words if I want, :P) Such as swimming, hot tubing, streaking, causing mischief just to see if you can get away with it??? Having a little roleplaying fun, learning a new card game, a new dice game? playing discipline dice with someone new???

I've watched the video more than a dozen times about what the camp is like, but seeing it in person is a completely different thing. Just like the first time that I ever visited San Francisco, not that long ago. Last September for Folsom Street Fair, have I heard tales of course I have, have I seen pictures and videos of past years of course, but it never prepares you for the real thing. I can't wait to actually step foot on camp property.

I think its all of the above for me, plus I get to have a couple of days roaming around the streets of San Francisco as a tourist before making the journey up to camp. I have a feeling that the person that I'm riding with to camp will be lots of fun to be around, I already know of a few stops that we will be making along the way to gear up for camp! Watch out everyone here I Come!

Previous Experiences

I've shared with some of my closer friends some of the experiences that I've had in the past in the BDSM lifestyle, some of them have been wonderful, some of them have been down right scary, as I write more of this blog I will try and share more of them.

The one that I really want to share is what truly got me into learning and knowing what and who I am. When I first started like so many others, I thought I was a top, at the time I thought I was straight as well and mostly played with women, I did have the chance to play on very rare occasions with other men. But, anyway on to my first experience as a bottom...This took place back when I lived in Atlanta, Ga there was a local Dungeon called PEP (People Exchanging Power) it was run by the Lovely Lady D. It was her birthday, I'm not going to even say what year it was or how old she was! (Because I can't remember) She was accepting birthday spankings, which means that she was going to spank you for her birthday and not someone spanking her.  Well, I decided to submit to her and take her spanking even though I was a Dom, well, I dropped my pants and underwear and went across her knee, If I remember right she was using a paddle to spank with, she got close to her age and asked me how many more to get to her age, well, I took that and added 20 years to it, she laughed, and so did I. But then I cried when she told me that we were going to start from 0 and work are way to the age that I specified. We got to that age and then she asked me again how old she was, I told her the correct age to try and stop the spanks, well, it didn't stop there, we went back to 0 one more time and went to her correct age.
  After this wonderful experience, I was hooked and have been searching ever since then to find someone that could take me back to this level.

That Feeling

I know that I'm supposed to use this space to write down my feelings, but I'm not sure if this is the right way to go about this. Just thinking about talking about this brings feelings of apprehension.

Ever have a feeling, a deep down feeling every time that you talk to someone or think about someone.  Your heart skips a beat, tears well up in your eyes and you can't wait to see that person, talk to that person. Even if its only for a brief few moments in a given day, it gives you something to look forward to day in and day out.

There are only a few people in my life that cause this to happen, I think one of them knows that it happens, but the other doesn't realize the way that I feel.  I'm not going to give names, because I don't think its appropriate. But as I love to say, Only time will tell what happens!

Who am I?

OK, I know its strange to make 2 post in a single day, seems that I would reserve this post for another day, but I have so much on my mind that I've been wanting to talk about for so long.

First of all, I still haven't come out of the closet to my family, they are strong believers in the bible and strong christians and I'm really afraid of what their reaction will be. Its only been 3 years that I came out to friends and decided that I was tired of lying to myself about who I really am. I did the girlfriend thing all through high school and college, I guess more to make my parents happy than to make myself happy. My mom has said she would still love and accept me if I was gay but I really don't know if thats the truth or not.

Second, Being involved in the BDSM lifestyle isn't accepting with my parents either. They found out about my spanking fetish once and made me go to a Christian counselor to talk about my problems and that its not necessary for one to hit or be hit to be loved. They will never understand why I love this lifestyle and I never expect them to understand it.

I love the thought about being submissive to another man, its what I have wanted for the longest time. I can hear some people say well there are lots of Doms/Masters out there. I know this, but it has to be special, I just don't want someone that I meet online and have an online Master, for those of you who have chosen this route that is good for you, but in my personal opinion I find it completely stupid. Doesn't make any sense to me! I want a Master that is real, that I can touch, that I can feel, that will get inside my head, that will learn the ins and outs of me as a person, someone that knows me better than I know myself.

This blog is about:

1. How I have been searching for that one special Master, that one special person that calls me his and that I can call mine. Someone that will push me to my limits almost to the point of breaking, to the edge.
   
2. About my past experiences that I've had whether they have been good or bad. I've learned lost of my journey so far and want to share it.
3. What I hope to gain in the future
   

The beginning

I've been wanting to start a blog for the longest time, but I really have been aprhensive about the whole thing. What do I write about, do I share stories, do I talk about personal experiences? I guess I would say Yes to all of the above.

I'm sure many of you that are reading this are asking yourselves what is he rambling on and on about, what is this blog about? Well, this blog is about my personal journey, about how I've come to figure out who I am, what I am and what I want to become and do with my life.

Hopefully, I can intrigue you enough to stick around as I try and write this all down, I can't say that it will be the most interesting thing you have ever read but hopefully it will let you know more about who I am as a person.

My name is Ryan aka LilTigger, I'm a 34yo gay male that is into the BDSM lifestyle. That in a quick sentence is who I am.