Not too sure?

I've been discussing for quite sometime with my friends and fellow bloggers what my next topic should be and I've gotten lots of great suggestions, should I write about my anticipation for camp that is coming up??? should I write about some not so positive experiences that I've had in the past???

I would love to write about either of these, but maybe I'm just getting impatient, but to hear my friends talk about their Sirs, their Masters, their Dominants is making me rather sad. I know that the journey to finding the right one is a long one and many are never successful. But those that are seem to me to be happy, joyful and are really looking forward to continuing their journey. Some would say that is just part of life. Its a journey. I know these things!

Some would say your just starting to be truthful with yourself on who you really are, so how can you say you have been looking for years, lots of years, for your Sir! This is true, I had to fully be honest with myself that I'm a gay man, I tried for many years the whole straight thing, I think it was more about making my parents happy than it was making me happy. No, I still haven't come out to my parents, but I already blogged on that subject.

Am I being too whiny about this? Am I being too desperate about this? The questions just go on and on in my head, it drives me to tears sometimes just thinking about this? Is there someone out there, A Dominant for myself? someone that cares to know me? that would care about me? Get to know me inside and out? Every day I look at myself in the mirror, am I too big, am I too heavy to be loved? There are so many Tops/Doms/Dads/Sirs/Masters out there that constantly look over the ones that are too old, too heavy, not experienced enough for someone a lot smaller, skinner, younger.

This has been one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes down to this lifestyle, more than once I've stepped back and said is this where I want to go, is this the road that I really want to take??? And more than once, I have always said Yes, this is exactly what I want! Yes, I want someone that is willing to accept me for who I am, what I am, someone that is willing to be my Sir.

As I've said in almost everyone of my blog post: Only time can tell, what, when and who!